Things I wish film directors would figure out

1. Your movies are getting too long

Didn't you learn in film school that you need to be prepared to cut some scenes, even if they're your favorites! It doesn't matter to me if you think that I need to see the main character stare at his/her love interest for 5 or 10 minutes to see that they are in love... If you need all that time to establish a love that is going to be lost, take a lesson from freaking Shakespeare. In Romeo and Juliet, establishing the fact that the two loved each other took about 15 minutes out of a 2 and half hour play... YOU KNOW WHY!? Because Shakespeare could write a dialogue that people can connect with even though he didn't always use the regular person's common vernacular.
No crap "you complete me" lines, and no crazy adventure plot to force the two in love. In a movie you have the freedom of establishing love at first sight and all other kinds of romantic non-sense, because people don't expect to see real life on the screen, they want to see at least a minor part of romantic dreams... That's what draws us in, the whole "yeah maybe life could like that" feeling. Idiots.

2. Strike the words "griddy realism" from your vocabulary.

My life is not griddy. Even when I'm in a city, my location as a color scheme. Chicago makes me thinks of grays, reds, and blues. Detroit greys, blues, and browns.
Warren, green yellows, maroons, browns, and reds. OK? NONE OF THIS IS GRIDDY!

3. Just because something is shocking, doesn't mean that it's funny.

Comedy experts may debate me on this, but I think there's a difference between a shock and a twist/ surprise. So... porn is not funny, it's shocking, racism is not funny, it's shocking. so just because it makes you say "OOOOH" doesn't make it funny. (I'm looking your way Borat. You're not funny, creative, or anything redeaming what so ever) I'll tell you what Borat is. Obvious. I could write a script (or outline concidering that he didn't have a script necessarily) using Borat's identical approach in less than 30 minutes. I could make it shocking too and sadily most of America would probably like it if they mangaged to see it... In other words, It would take little creativity, little time, and little intellegence from the viewing communty to follow it.

However, I couldn't write an episode of the venture bros. in less than 4 weeks if I ever could write one that funny. Why? Because the dialogue, the characters, and the inuendoes are genius.

4. Don't be so freaking impressed with your own plot line.

We've scene it before, just make it yours... not subtly yours, but yours.

5. Don't use so many freaking special effects to replace things that we have scene in real life...

unless you're only going to use it for brief shots. "Lost" understands this. Any and all superhero movies don't... except Batman.

6. The Matrix series is over... stop trying to "remake action" with your movie.

Every you use any kind of slow motion or other clever camera effects. Do you know why The Matrix was revolutionary? BECAUSE IT REBOOTED THEY WAY PEOPLE THOUGHT OF ACTION/SCI FI.
So unless you're going to "revolutinize" don't try to remake the matrix. We saw before, don't need to see it again from you.

7. Read, understand, and implement some of the ideas of Greek tragedy before you make a drama.

Other wise I'm just watching another "cry fest" without taking away any deep meaning. (I'm looking at you "Tristan and Isolde" I learned nothing from you.. I just saw what a whiney woman that the warrior guy was... and I was ready for him to die... should have taken Isolde with him)

8. We know that Hollywood hates the white house no matter who is in it.

Could you find another Scape goat please? Like social injustice and the fact that your soul searching rear end found it's way to work in one of your four Aston Martins.... I rest my case.

9. Tell me why I'm watching your movie in the first 10 minutes or less.

I don't owe you my two hours, you have to earn it.

10. If you're going to make a murder Mystery, than make it a mystery...

I don't want to sit there and watch the hero think for 20 minutes. Take a lesson from CSI and take us into the thinking process.

11. Horror movie people. God love your sick minds, but mutilation won't always sell your movie.

This is a film style in which the story of the adversary has to be compelling. No one who has ever scene a couple Nightmare on Elm Street Movies can tell me that Freddy wasn't compelling. He was dark, gory (but that's not how it was sold) and it tapped into a common fear. The vulnerability of sleep. I don't care if you know what I did last summer, but I want to know why you're angry, what drives you and how deep your thirst really goes. Chainsaw could've been the greatest Horror movie ever made, but it got so caught up in the griddy feel so much that it muddied the plot, and yes a horror movie does need a plot to be great. Gore doesn't ruin a movie always, but sometimes it can distract. In the first Saw movie, you were compelled by the character "Jigsaw." AND Jigsaw it was held the whole movie together. The star is not the puzzle. When you look at the puzzle, you wonder "what kind of person would think of this... and why would they?" And that question alone will normally keep you in the whole movie.


Ok I could go on, but I'm ranted enough.